Teacher training at Samahita—when it all falls in place
By Lane Walker (Centered Yoga TT grad, May 2016)
The opportunity to dedicate to this process of self confrontation on a daily basis provided me with a very necessary tool to begin to understand some very deep, very well hidden, but longed-for truths about myself.
Getting back to Samahita has been a long time in the making. It was actually 13 years ago that I joined Paul for a week-long retreat and experienced my first ashtanga class (which was only my second, ever, yoga class). Suffice it to say, the learning curve was a steep one, but I left with a solid grounding in asana and a sense of freedom in my joints that I hadn’t experienced since being a gymnast as a child.
My intention always was to come back to do a teacher training at some point, but the timing was never right. First a career, then illness, then marriage and children (so life in general) kept intervening, and the universe had other plans for me. Until all of a sudden, it didn’t. Recently, everything gave way and fell into place to bring us here—a huge undertaking with two small children and a world of responsibilities and ties that needed to be cut. Fortunately, my husband and I were on the same page and felt that if we could clear away some of life’s debris, then we could make way for something new.
So it was with this attitude—and very much baby step by baby step—we managed to make our way to Thailand and Samahita for me to do my teacher training.
I was incredibly nervous before getting here. I constantly doubted my ability, my energy levels and my practice and worried that I’d arrive only to be uncovered as an imposter and sent on my (not so) merry way! But, on the first day of introductions I learnt that mostly everyone on the course had the same doubts and fears, and I surrendered to the knowledge that this was absolutely where I was meant to be. Then I didn’t look back.
For me, once I’d made that psychological connection, everything else became easier. Don’t get me wrong, there were incredibly emotional times. There was a vast amount of information to take in and apply. My days were totally full, and I had the added challenge and distraction of entertaining my two and five year-olds when I did have a break. On the flip side, I also had the support of my husband and the cuddles of my babies to keep me focused, something that I know many of my fellow teachers in training were struggling without.
My biggest challenge was definitely coming face to face with my breath. The pranayama practice on the program here was one of the huge draws for me. I’d come to the realisation that my breathing patterns needed attention but I found the actual act of putting my attention on my breath hugely confronting. If you commit to this practice though (and there is an emphasis on doing so), there really are few places to hide. And the opportunity to dedicate to this process of self confrontation on a daily basis provided me with a very necessary tool to begin to understand some very deep, very well hidden, but longed-for truths about myself.
The most surprising experience for me was the effect of the chanting. Initially I found it utterly frustrating. I couldn’t work out what the words were to follow the call and response; I couldn’t find my breath, and the whole thing made me incredibly irritable. I mentioned this to one of the teachers whose response was “yeah, good” which made me laugh (admittedly a little from confusion). In addition, I’d never been much of a singer and never found my singing voice. But all that changed in the last week, and I really connected with something. The chants, especially the closing chant, really began to resonate with me, and suddenly, a life-long dream came to fruition, and I actually sounded good! Nothing less than a small miracle for the girl who wasn’t even allowed in the choir.
I honestly don’t know if I’ll become a yoga teacher. I’d like to think so, but we’ll just have to wait and see what direction life sends me in. We’ve left things deliberately vague to allow space for the opportunity if it does choose to present itself. What I do know is that I came to Samahita to deepen my practice, to learn about myself, and to give myself the potential to full fill a 13-year intention, all of which was offered to me here. I’m sincerely grateful for this and for countless other things—a beautiful feeling.See more posts